You’ve pulled your favorite sweaters out from the back of your closet, bought yourself a pumpkin spice latte, baked a batch of your favorite spicy treat, cranked up the heat and sat under a velvety throw blanket as you watch your favorite show, but something (or someone) is still missing in that lovely single life of yours.
If you’re feeling an extra pull to do what it takes to put yourself out there this season so you’ll be a little warmer and have a cute date to bring to Thanksgiving dinner, then you’re certainly not alone.
Welcome to Cuffing Season.
The Urban Dictionary definds Cuffing Season as:
During the Fall and Winter months people who would normally rather be single or promiscuous find themselves along with the rest of the world desiring to be "Cuffed" or tied down by a serious relationship. The cold weather and prolonged indoor activity causes singles to become lonely and desperate to be cuffed.
If you follow me here, it’s probably not your goal to find a short-term hookup or casual relationship, but there is a real biological drive (testosterone goes up in the fall) and social influence (to not be alone at the holidays) that motivates people, more than other times of the year, to partner up.
So what if you could take advantage of this trend to help you in your search for lasting love, the same way a fisherman makes his way to the river when he knows the salmon are running?
Cuffing Season creates opportunities because more people start to look to partner up in October/November. They will stay partnered until the season culminates around the peak of winter, often melting off by spring where a lot of people will break it off.
However, if you are looking for something long-term, I want to share with you three reasons why using this season to your advantage, could help you reach your goals.
YOUR biology is Motivating you Towards your Goals - If I’m honest with you, a large part of my single life, I lost motivation to find a relationship. Things became comfortable for me to choose my own place to live, get lost in a passion project, to not have anyone to consider in my spending or to be able to drop everything and travel when I wanted. Yet, it was so easy to slip into this comfortable mode of living and as a result push out dating by saying things like:
“I still needed to heal.”
“I don’t have any good options.”
“I’d date when I get my X, Y, Z together.”
“I don’t have money/time etc. to spend on online dating.”
However, if you can relate and find this season is motivating you towards companionship —-then gosh by golly——Go with it!!!
More Options are Open - You may not be the only one who is waiting until they get that project done at work or end their tax season or finish up their round of travel for the year, before they start investing in their social life. So that cute guy you see at your gym every week that you’d love to share more than small talk with may be more open than before to connection. Flowers blossom in a specific season. So you putting yourself out there while people are “blooming” opens up more options for you.
Filter Out the Casual for Great Options - While many people may be open to relationships in this season because they aren’t expecting them to last, our biology and social influences can equally inspire long-term relationship minded people to pursue something new. Only be careful when you are meeting people online or in person. Ask them what they are looking for early on. Hold off on any physical intimacy that doesn’t align with your values so that you can discern their true motives and character. Set the pacing of the relationship at a pace that is comfortable for you in getting to know a new person. Avoid diving into deep emotional intimacy from the beginning that is unsustainable with the amount of trust that has been built. If you use discernment of character and good communication to weed out casual minded folks, you could find yourself a great catch.
While you might not fit the exact description of someone involved in Cuffing Season, I believe nature often inspires us to behave in certain ways that are ultimately good motivators towards the goals we already have for ourselves.
If you’ve been feeling like you’re in a rut in your dating life—-let this season inspire you to take action. Because when the time is right, you just might love the extra company under that throw blanket for years to come.
If you’d like support to change some of your normal patterns and get out of a rut, when it comes to dating and finding a relationship, I’d be happy to offer you a coaching conversation. Find a time here.